It is finally the new year.
There has been a lot of debate about whether 2016 was actually as bad as we've all made it out to be, with some anecdotes about perspective and optimism thrown into the mix. Sure, it wasn't all bad –– but, let me tell you, I sure am glad to have a fresh start.
I am a big believer in using the new year to wipe the slate clean –– in addition to washing that thing off a few times throughout the year, as well. And I'm taking full advantage of my freshly washed slate. My blog is a hobby, not a career, and real world problems have caused me to push it aside for the past few months. They are excuses you've heard before: I was busy with work; I was in a funk I couldn't pull myself out of; I had family issues I had to deal with. The last couple of months have been heavy, man, and I needed those two months to really clear my head and gain some perspective.
It sounds cliché, but sometimes it is crucial to step back from things and see if they still serve a higher purpose in your life. I'm not necessarily talking about a God purpose, or a Source Power purpose –– though if what you're doing connects with that, have at it –– but the higher purpose that is pushing you forward in your life, toward your goals a that bigger picture you have for you life. In the two months I was away, I realized I was doing a lot that didn't serve a higher purpose. The way I was doing things didn't connect with who I was, who I wanted to be. I needed to rebalance –– and to figure out just how to do that.
Cut to mid-December and I still wasn't clear on exactly what needed rebalancing in my life. Then my family got some news. It was big and it was scary, and it pushed me back into things that I had long left behind. Like God. I'm a pretty spiritual person and I definitely believe in a higher power, but God was one small part of that higher power. I still believe that, but I realized that I was pushing his branch of power away subconsciously and placing a greater focus on the Universe and Mother Nature –– and I wasn't even focusing on those that much anymore.
So I started reading the Bible every night and talking to God more often, in addition to meditating more often and spending more time in nature. And things starting to slowly fall into place, into a rhythm that I was comfortable with. I started seeing messages in the Bible and meditating on them to figure out what they mean for me and balancing all of these different facets of my spirituality. I realized, Kylie Jenner style, that I didn't have to choose just one. I just had to follow my own path and feel comfortable with that.
That was just one part of this rebalancing act. I also had to figure out if the things I was doing and saying aligned with who I wanted to be; they weren't. Despite the ways I've grown in the past year or two, I've still live in fear and worry: Will they laugh at me? Will I fail? Is this too out there? These are worries that still weight heavily on me, but now that I've recognized that, I can take the steps to push beyond those fears.
One of those fears, sadly, had to do with this blog. I started out as a beauty blogger and I've often toyed with the idea of moving past that; I've even blogged about it before. But something–– I –– kept holding me back. I would hold back on publishing posts that I didn't think people would like or understand or, worse, would make people unfollow me. They did start out following a beauty blog, after all. And so I would take long breaks from posting, worried that I wasn't doing it right, keeping a schedule well enough, or taking photos that would astound anyone who laid eyes on them.
It was silly and it was stressing me out.
So here were are in a new year and I've decided it is time for a new start –– a fresh start. No more blogging schedule, no more preconceived notions about what a blog –– my blog –– should be.
It's all me from here on out. Run while you still can. ;)
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